Friday, August 15, 2008

Out of shape

Ugh! I'm too out of shape. I'm currently close to 100lbs overweight. Yup, there I said it. I admit it. I'm fat. I'm out of shape.

About 20 years ago, when I first had Sam, I was only marginally overweight and in very good shape. I would go for day long bike rides and not be bothered by it. I had energy galore. Slowly, after sitting on the sidelines watching the children play I got chunkier and more out of shape. It was imperceptible at first, but it became staunchly noticeable when we moved to Deerfield a decade ago. In Exeter, there were a few hills but none were prolonged enough to require walking, they were either a long shallow slope or a quick steep one. Nothing one can't handle with a granny gear even toting 2 toddlers in a burley. But here, OMG! The hills are steep and a mile long, and wouldn't you know we were stupid enough to buy the house directly on TOP of a big one! I pretty much stopped riding my bike when we moved here. I can barely get my fat rear up the hills with the granny gear never mind toting a 35lb dead weight (I'm referring to Quinn here) in addition to my extra 100 lbs. Dude I can't even describe how bad it sucks!

I hate it. Being fat and out of shape that is. I want to do all the things I used to do, but it's harder to do them because of weight issues. My hips hurt when I walk for long periods, and my feet too but that's 'cause I have old non supportive shoes, and I need to get some new ones. I've tried diets, but I hate, hate, hate feeling even moderately hungry, and I LOVE food. The only way for me to decrease my weight is to increase my exercise. That's easier said than done. First off I don't do heat well - that's great most of the year, but in August, even 78 degrees and sunny is enough to put me off climbing the stairs let alone going outside and tackling the hills. I have a small child too, so I either have to carry her, or exercise when my husband is watching her, which with our current schedules is the hottest darn part of the day. So we're back to square one.

My husband briefly mentioned the other day the possibility of going to the 8:00am shift at work (his current shift is 3 am so he has to go to bed at dinner time). It would be awesome if he did get this shift 'cause then I could exercise after dinner when It's cooler, and he can put Quinny to bed - hey that's only fair, I've had bed duty for 19yrs and 10 mos straight, it'd be a welcome change. Ali could join me, it'd give us some special one on one time and we'd both get in better shape (and she can't run worth beans so I'll be able to keep up). Keep your fingers crossed for me.

In the mean time I've been intentionally increasing my exercise. The other day we took a 3 mile walk. That was nice, but I really need new shoes. I was able to free swim at the lake the other day 'cause my Mom was watching Quinn (usually I have to be right on her because our town beach doesn't allow PFDs and she's too daring and walks right out to her ears, and Ali needs the exercise as much as I do and I hate to call her in from the dock so Mommy can have a turn). The swimming out deep and for a long time felt really good (and I had fun with my nephew who I hardly ever get to see anymore). Yesterday we went to our "swimming hole" along the Swift River and I selfishly made Sean give me turns swimming upstream and riding the rapids (which isn't really exercise but the climbing over the rocks to get there sure is). It felt really awesome to do that too. I want to feel really awesome all the time. I want to get back out and enjoy all the things I used to. Hiking is a no brainer - Quinn and I walk at the same pace so I have a hiking partner already. We should pobably find some safty orange vests before hunting season though, Sean nearly had a fit when we went hiking last fall. Walking and running - should Sean get his 8:00 shift, won't be a big problem either. But I've got to really work on this whole biking thing.

Today I took Quinnie down to the local gas station (to add air to my tires and buy her a lollipop to bribe her back into the bike - "waaah no! Quinnie fall me!" - cherry tootsie pops smooth over the roughest of tribulations, but I don't keep them in the house so we always have to go somewhere to get one). It was a 3 mile round trip and I walked probably a mile of it - even with the granny gear.But my legs no longer feel like jelly and my heart isn't trying to jump out of my chest, and I've long since caught my breath, and I don't think this ride will affect my ability to mow the lawn later this afternoon, so despite the failure at getting up the hill ON my bike, I'll call this a win.

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